I can’t remember how I found the house. That in itself is part of the problem, one I’ve retraced many times in my mind, until it has become more than an obsession. It has become my entire life. And there is worse. I cannot now remember how to leave it. You think my mind wanders perhaps – like a child’s; and there have been times I’ve run through these rooms like a child, searching for the tiniest crevice or crack through which I might slip out.
Sometimes I wake up, still warm in dream. I am walking up Stow Hill and before reaching its brow I take a left, and then turn right. Within moments I am lost in a warren of old houses that seem to multiply even as I walk. And the faster I walk the more numerous become the streets; each twisting off in illogical angles, until at last the house appears, as if by magic. That was how it was the first day.
This one worked on so many levels. This opening feels like a recurring nightmare that grabs a hold of you and won’t let you wake up. That, to me, is scary.
Good job!
After reviewing all the entries. I still think this one was the strongest.
I VOTE for this one.
I’d definitely read more. I like the tone, the wording, and phrases like “illogical angles” and “a warren of old houses.”
This has my 2nd vote.
My second vote goes here.
Finely tuned nightmare, thank you very much.
I vote for this one, too, as my 2nd vote. Reminds me of several great literature stories of passing into the dream world.
I think everyone has probably found themselves trapped in this nightmare at least once. You’ve got some universality going here, which is good.
Watch your sentence structure. Some of it works, some of it weakens the piece. Depending on what followed in the next few paragraphs, I’d probably ask you to rewrite and resubmit.