The two main weaknesses in the stories submitted for the Book of Mormon contest were too much telling and info dumps.
This week let’s focus on showing vs telling. (Next Friday, we’ll deal with info dumps.)
- Go read this short tutorial on Showing vs Telling.
- Rewrite the four sentences at the end of the tutorial and post one of them in the comments section.
- Find a paragraph in your current WIP. Rewrite it using what you’ve learned.
If you need more practice, continue to go through your WIP to find telling sentences and add specific sensory detail.
One note: Not every single sentence in your story or book has to be jam-packed with sensory detail. That would be hard to read and extremely annoying. However, as a general rule, the more you show, the better.
Great info. Thanks for posting it. Here's one of the sentences from the tutorial, rewritten.
Original: She wears really strange outfits.
Revision: Her baggy polyester pants and purple striped shirt– with a lipstick smear–could only have been more appropriate if she wore a clown nose and called herself, "Bozo."
Okay, so not the best, but not bad for spur of the moment. 🙂
1. My boyfriend/girlfriend acted like a jerk.
My boyfriend abandoned me at the door and went to play pool with his buddies leaving me to stand alone in the corner.
2.She wears really strange outfits.
Her shirt was a loud shade of orange and clashed with her pink stirrup pants, and green high tops.
3.The scenery in the mountains was beautiful.
Snow capped peaks rose high above a green meadow and almost seemed to touch the bright, cobalt sky.
4. My roommate is very (in)considerate.
My roommate never does the dishes, always leaves a mess in the bathroom and borrows my clothes without asking.