Tag: Querying

Sordid Pasts

This is a little embarrassing. Thank you for letting us be anonymous. I have previously published some stories where the main characters’ behaviors are–uh–not quite up to LDS standards. It was a long time ago and I sort of regret it now, but what’s done is done. I haven’t written anything in several years, but I now have an LDS story that I’d like to submit to an LDS publisher. Will my sordid past come back to haunt me?

Hmmm. That’s a question I can’t answer without more details, so all I can give you is a “Maybe; maybe not. “

It depends on several factors:

  • How sordid was your past? Or rather, your stories?

  • How widely read were your stories?

  • Did you publish under a pen name?

  • How likely are LDS readers to recognize you?

  • What is your current story? Is it squeaky clean or edgy?

There are some publishers who most likely would not have a big problem with that. There are others who would not even look at your new manuscript if your previous ones were in the realm of erotica or graphic violence. For most, however, I think it would largely depend on the quality and content of your new manuscript.

At some point in the submission process, BEFORE YOU SIGN A CONTRACT, you’re going to have to let your potential publisher know about previous publications. If your books were truly sordid, your publisher is going to need to have a plan in place to counter any possible repercussions–this could be anything from using a pen name to referencing a conversion in your bio.

I recommend dealing with it right up front in your initial query by listing your previously published titles. Then make sure that query and/or synopsis shines so brightly that they’ll have to read your manuscript.

E-mailing Queries

I got an e-mail this morning with nothing in the subject line, nothing in the body of the e-mail, and with an attached file. This happens occasionally. I always wonder if it’s an author sending a query who doesn’t know any better…but I am not curious enough to actually open that attachment. This is a common way to pass viruses and I am not going to take that chance. Last time I got a virus, my computer was in the shop for a week and they had to completely wipe and reformat the hard drive. I cannot tell you the problems that caused.

When you submit a query via e-mail, write it in your word processor. Double check for spelling and grammar, etc. Then when it’s polished and ready, COPY and PASTE it into the body of your e-mail. Do not attach it. And always put “Query” somewhere in the subject line.

Now, I am aware that some publishers have a downloadable form on their website for you to fill out and return as an attachment, or they say to go ahead and send your query/submission as an attachment. If they say that, then fine. Go ahead and do it. But there are also those that say to query within the body of the e-mail, no attachments. When in doubt, take this safer route.

How Not to Query

I received a query letter this week that I want to share with you because it’s an example of everything not to do. Most of you will know this already, but occasionally I get an e-mail from a blog reader that lets me know that some still need basic instruction. And that’s okay. That’s what I’m here for.

I am not going to poke fun at this letter because it’s clear they are trying their best. It’s not full of ego and attitude (my cue to poke as much fun as I want). Even though I’m fairly certain they will never stumble across this blog (they’re not LDS), I have changed the details so that even they won’t recognize themselves.

Handwritten:
John Doe
123 My Street
My Town, XX

5/15/07

XYZ Publisher
My PO Box
My Town, UT

To Whom It May Concern:

I Am Currently Looking For A Publishing Company, For My Book, “Car Maintenance for Women”

This is my First Book, I will Appreshute Any INFORMATION You Can Give Me, Such as Proof-Reading, Typesetting and Such.

I Am Looking Forward to Hearing From You.

Sincerely,
John & Martha

1. It’s handwritten. That is not appropriate. If you’ve written a book, surely you have a computer and could use that to write the letter. If you’ve handwritten your entire book, you will need to hire someone to type it before you submit. They can type your queries as well.

2. No phone number. No e-mail address. No SASE. You have not made it easy for me to respond to you. It will now cost me approx $1.50-4.00* to reject you (postage, materials, payroll; $1.50 if my assistant does it, $4 if I do it myself). It upsets me when I have to pay to reject a query I should never have gotten in the first place. Sometimes, I don’t reply.

3. My name is not “To Whom It May Concern.” If you don’t know my name and can’t figure out how to discover what my name is, “Dear Acquisitions Editor” is a better choice. However, if you’re writing non-fiction or historical fiction, I will assume that either you do have research skills but are too lazy to use them, or that you don’t have adequate research skills, which calls your manuscript content into question. Not a good place to start.

4. I am an LDS publisher. It states that clearly on our website and all official materials from us. I don’t know of any resource list that we are on that doesn’t also state that. The title of the book makes clear that it is not an LDS book. Again, if you didn’t do enough research to determine if we even publish your type of book, see #3. (Now, Car Maintenance for Mormons…uh, never mind.)

5. If we publish your book, why do you need information on proof reading and typesetting? We take care of that in-house. If you’re talking about cleaning up your manuscript before submitting, it would be unethical for us to refer you to someone. Also, you never need to typeset your own book.

6. Spelling and punctuation mistakes in your query are not a good sign. Either you were not careful or you don’t know any better. Both options mean that your manuscript will require too much editing for us to consider it. Also, if you had typed your query using any of the standard word processing programs, the spell and grammar checks would have cleaned that up.

7. Who the heck is Martha? Co-author? Include her name at the top and mention that you are co-authors in the letter. Spouse? Leave her off.

There is nothing wrong with being ignorant. If you’ve never done something before, there’s no reason why you would know how to do it correctly. However, there is every reason to do a little research. Go to the library, pick a book–any book–on how to query and/or submit a manuscript to a publisher. One book, one afternoon of research, would mean the difference between being considered and an automatic rejection.

*41¢ postage, 6¢ letter, 1¢ envelope, 1.50 payroll (counting taxes, etc.) or $3.33 (what my company considers my time to be worth, even though they don’t pay me that amount)

Contests with Cred

LDStorymakers recently had a First Chapter contest for conference attendees and Irreantum has a contest as well. If you enter one of these contests, or another one, and place in it, would it help to mention that in your cover letter?


It won’t hurt. These are two contests that LDS publishers would recognize. I’ve read winning submissions from both of them and they are usually a step above the average slush pile submission.

However, I’ve seen lots of first chapter winners that fall apart in chapter four.

Legitimate Contests

Do you think we can use [winning the question contest] on our cover letters?

No. Very few of my colleagues even know this blog exists, so they would have no idea what you were talking about. Besides, this is not a legit writing contest.

I know you were joking, but here’s what you can use–legitimate contests that offer real prizes of cash or publication, like Writer’s Digest contests. Being published in an anthology does not count.

How to tell if the contest is legit? Check Preditors and Editors.

Tips to Make Your Manuscript Stand Out

I’m trying to figure out if it’s best to use designer perfume to scent the pages of my manuscript and cover letter or if it’s okay to just go with a perfume from Target?


The more expensive the perfume, the better. The stronger the scent, the more I will enjoy reading your submission. Don’t be stingy. Douse that thing. Or better yet, soak your paper in it over night, then line dry it before using it to print your manuscript. And if you have any left over, put the rest of the bottle in the package as a bribe.

Do I really need to give a serious answer to this? Yes, apparently I do, because I sometimes get scented submissions–particularly romance submissions.

I have also received submissions with:

  • the query letter hand-written in purple ink
  • the entire mss printed on neon paper
  • the entire mss printed in a calligraphy font (or script; or Curlz; or…)
  • confetti that explodes out of the envelope when you open it

no, No, NO, NOOOO, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Reader Comments

I have heard that you can request readers’ comments from publishers after you have submitted a manuscript to them. What is the best way to do this? In the query letter? A note after you have been rejected?


You can request them. You may or may not get them. Depends on the company policy. Some companies don’t mind sharing the comments; others won’t.

I would make the request in the query letter. Some publishers file readers’ comments and keep them for a long time. Others simply note them in their log and toss the originals, in which case, by the time you get your rejection and request to see them, they may be long gone.

FYI–Readers’ comments refer to the practice of editors/publishers sending pages out to trusted readers with a comment form. If all the comments are favorable, chances are you’ll be accepted. If they’re not, you’ll be rejected.

However, many submissions are rejected before they go out to readers. Readers are only involved after the editor and a few in-house employees give the manuscript a thumbs up.

Tangent question: What if the editors like it but the readers don’t, or vice versa? Who decides? The marketing department.

Resubmitting Rewrites #2

Let’s pretend I sent you a manuscript and your company liked it enough to ask for a rewrite. Then let’s pretend the rewrite got lost in the cracks: the editor who asked for the rewrite changed jobs, the rewrite sat somewhere in the office for several months and then was rejected after I called to inquire on its status.

Fast-forward several months and now let’s pretend the rewrite has been reworked, had professional input and editing, and is even better and tighter than before.

How would you want me to ask you for the chance to resubmit once again?

Okay…forget pretending. It really happened and I really want to resubmit it.

Okay, this is a slightly different question from the last one. Based on the timing of events, your rejection may have been a matter of cleaning house, rather than a true rejection based on the quality of your book. This happens sometimes when editors leave. It’s not fair, but that’s the way it is.

My first suggestion would be to try to track down your first editor and see if the company they’re with now publishes stories like yours. They might remember you and be eager to see your rewrites.

If that isn’t a possibility–because they’re in a different specialty or a different industry–then send a query reminding us that we’d liked the original enough to ask for rewrites, and that you’ve now done those rewrites based upon our previous recommendations. Give a few specifics about the changes.

This would be one of the few times I’d suggest sending the entire mss (or the first few chapters) vs just a query because the first thing I’m going to do is check my log. If my comments aren’t glowing, I’ll reject on the query. But if you’ve mentioned the issues in your query that I have listed in my log, and if I have a few chapters right there on my desk, I’m going to accept your challenge and read a few pages.

Resubmitting Rewrites #1

Is it taboo to rewrite/rework a rejected novel manuscript and send it back for review to the same publisher that rejected it?

No, it’s not taboo, but it isn’t often successful. Whether or not you can resubmit depends upon why it was rejected. If they gave you reasons that have something to do with your style or your story, and you’ve done rewrites to address that, then your chances are better.

Your best bet is to send it to other publishers, but if you’re really set on this one (and face it, you have limited choices in the LDS market), then send a query stating that you’ve rewritten and would like to resubmit. Be specific about how it’s been rewritten. Then cross your fingers and hope it works.

Don’t You Dare Query an Unfinished Novel!

I like the new contest. Very interesting. So here is my first shot, and yes, this is a real question. 🙂

What is the benefit to submitting a query letter before actually writing the book?

Thanks for the blog. I love it. 🙂

If you are writing non-fiction, you do not need to complete the work before querying. All you need is well expressed compelling reasons that speak to the need for a book on your topic, a well developed outline (chapter by chapter breakdown and synopsis), the first couple of chapters, and probably some credentials. But you need to be prepared to finish the book very quickly after acceptance–within a few months, if not sooner. Some non-fiction is accepted because of its timeliness and if it takes 6 months or longer for you to finish it, it may not be timely anymore.

If you’re writing fiction, you ABSOLUTELY have to have a finished work before you query. An editor expects to see the finished manuscript immediately upon request. Also, many stories change as you write them. You think it’s going to go one way, and then the characters develop minds of their own and take it another way. It could very easily become a different book from what was described in your query.

Would You Publishers Make Up Your Minds Already?

Hi LDSP,

I submitted a manuscript according to the directions of the publisher. Shortly after my submission, however, the directions changed and the publisher now requires additional information. Will the publisher consider my submission under the old requirements or will it get trashed because it doesn’t have all of the components? Should I contact the publisher and offer to send the additional information or keep waiting it out and hope it still might be considered?

Thank you.

Assuming your publisher is reasonable and rational, they will know when they changed their submission guidelines and will allow for a grace period. If they need the additional information, they will let you know. If it will make you feel better, you could send them a short e-mail (no longer than what you just sent to me).

General Submission Standards, According to Me

Response to Josi from the comments trail:
I’ve heard the same thing from up and coming writers–just sure that they need to stand out to the publishers and that submitting is just a formality anyway. Maybe you could blog about what a publisher expects to receive. I know there are details that vary between publishers but there are some general standards and maybe knowing those things would give submitting writers something to build on as they research specific publishers.

1. Finish your manuscript. Have it reviewed and critiqued by readers who know something about books and grammar and plot, etc. Make changes.

2. Research publishers and make a list of those that publish the type of book you’ve written. Prioritize them according to which you’d most like to publish your book.

3. Do in-depth research on each of the publishers on your list. Go to their websites and carefully read their submission guidelines.

4. Divide your list according to who takes simultaneous submissions and who requires exclusives.

5. Decide if you want to send out multiple submissions first (to all those who accept them) or if you’re going to submit one at a time.

6. Prepare your submission according to the publisher’s guidelines. Most of them will be similar with only slight customization needed.

7. If they ask for query only, send only a one page query letter. If they ask for query plus partial, send your query and however many pages they ask for. If they don’t say, send 10 to 40 pages/1 to 3 chapters. If they ask for entire manuscripts, send your query letter and the entire manuscript. If they don’t specify what they want, I suggest the middle of the road–a query and pages. That will give them a taste of your writing ability, but won’t cost you as much.

8. I also really appreciate a brief summary outline that gives me a one or two sentence description of what happens in each chapter. Briefly describe the plot twists and give away the ending. Most publishers won’t mind if you include this, even if they ask for query only. (This will save us both time if it’s not something I’m looking for. If the concept is good, but the first chapters are slow or need work, I may ask you to fix it and resubmit. If I don’t have an outline, I’ll quit reading and just reject. I won’t read through to the end of a mss that needs work just to see how it ends.)

9. Query: One page, white paper, standard business style, 10 or 12 point type, standard font (Times), single spaced. Read up on this online or at the library. Try to find some samples of successful queries. (Kristen Nelson posted some a while back.)

10. Pages and/or full manuscript: White paper, single-sided, 10 or 12 point standard font, double spaced. Center the title and your full name, address, phone and e-mail on the title page. Also include the word count. On the rest of the pages, put your last name, abbreviated title in the top left; page numbers in the top right margin. Read up on this too.

11.Unless they specifically say they accept electronic submissions, submit on paper via snail mail. If they accept queries by e-mail, they will usually ask for them to be included in the body of the e-mail, not as attachments.

12. If they ask for a SASE, include one. If they don’t ask for a SASE, include one. This is standard protocol. A SASE is a self-addressed, stamped, #10 envelope.

13. If you want you manuscript back, send a larger SASE with enough postage for the return trip instead of the #10 envelope. However, most of the time it is not worth the expense to have it returned. It will usually not have notes and it will be beat up and unable to be sent to another publisher.

14. Be polite. Be professional. Spell check everything before printing. Check to be sure your personal information is correct. Check it again. Make sure the editor’s name and company name is spelled correctly.

15. Be patient. The process takes some time.

Rebel Without a Cause

Why are there so many rules for submitting and publishing a book? It seems I can’t even keep track of all of them. So I’ve decided to rebel. I’m going to write the best book I can and submit it however I want. What do you think about that??

If your book is really, really, really, really, really, good (to the nth power), then eventually, someone will probably publish it.

But it probably won’t be me. And it probably won’t be your first choice(s) in publisher.

Here’s the thing–we get so many submissions that DO follow the rules that when we get one that doesn’t, it usually doesn’t even get a serious look. What a submission that doesn’t follow the rules tells us is that either 1) you don’t know the rules and you can’t be bothered to do the basic research to discover what they are–in which case, publishing your manuscript will take a LOT of instruction and hand-holding on our part; or 2) you do know the rules and you think you’re too good for them–in which case you’re going to be a pain in the neck to work with and it’s going to be a fight on every point. Either way, an editor will probably decide that your book will just take too much time, energy and frustration to publish.

If you’re going to keep this attitude, I’d suggest submitting to a publisher who also doesn’t follow the rules. Maybe you can win them over with the force of your personality, or kindredness of spirit. Either that or self-publishing. But you’d better look for a distributor who doesn’t follow the rules too.

Don’t Waste Your Money!

I’ve received several manuscript submissions lately that were sent to me Priority Mail. Just opened one today–that has been sitting on my desk for a month.

Folks, Priority Mail gives you no advantage in the query/submission process–especially if you’re sending unsolicited manuscripts. Send it Parcel Post. Or Media Mail. Or even First Class. All are usually quite a bit cheaper than Priority. Unless an editor specifically requests that you send your manuscript Priority, save your money for more useful stuff–like toner and paper.

And if you really want to save money, do not send a full manuscript as your first contact with a publisher. Send a query letter. And don’t let anyone tell you that it’s harder for a publisher to reject a full manuscript than it is for them to reject a query or that we’re more willing to read a manuscript sitting on our desk than we are to ask for one to be sent. That’s nonsense.

When I see an unsolicited manuscript show up on my desk marked Priority Mail, I think, “Poor soul. They don’t have a clue how this business works. This manuscript better be good because I’m going to have to spend extra time educating this author.” When I see a well written query letter show up on my desk, I think, “Great! They’ve done their research. They know something about this business. I probably won’t have to hold their hand all day, every day…yes, I’ll give their manuscript a chance.” (Assuming, of course, the query is for something that I’m looking for.)

Is This a Pitch?

Sally, ostracized from high school because of her appearance, connects with Joe on a level he doesn’t understand. Unwilling to leave the “crowd” to discover that connection, Joe seeks to sever any and all ties with Sally, even going so far as to change classes. When Sally begins working at the same grocery store as Joe, his fear makes him desperate to avoid her. But, when the two are thrown together during a robbery, Joe finally discovers the connection and no longer fears Sally or his friends at high school.

Would this be considered a pitch? It’s not anything I am writing, but just wanted to try to apply your response to previous pitches.


Yes, this is a pitch. And it’s a decent one. I’d like to see a little more about what makes this story unique–different from the other teen love stories out there. Also, I’d like to see a secondary story line hinted at. But if I were in the market for teen romance, yes, I’d ask for a summary (chapter by chapter outline) and partial (first three chapters).

Query vs Pitch

What is the difference between a query letter and a straight pitch?

This question came up more than once during the pitch contest. Although I promised at the beginning of January that I would talk about a pitch, what it was and wasn’t, I got incredibly busy at work and never followed up on that. I apologize.

A pitch is the hook for your story. It’s that quick, succinct synopsis or summary that will make an agent or editor sit up and take notice. It’s the hook that reels them in and makes them want to read the book. Think of it as the blurb on the back of a softcover, the inside flap of a hardcover or the description of the book that gets printed in a sales catalog. If well written, it sells the book for you. It grabs the attention of the casual browser at the bookstore

Most of the time, a pitch is a verbal presentation at a writers conference when you’ll have 5 to 10 minutes with an agent or editor. You want to give them enough information that they’ll be hooked into the story and ask for more.

A written version of your pitch should also be included as a paragraph (or two) in your query letter. It can be your first paragraph, if you want to lead with it, or your second paragraph, if you want to introduce the basics (genre, title, word count, etc.) of your book first. Either way is fine. But a solid, polished hook paragraph must be part of your query letter or you will get a rejection.

When is it appropriate to use a pitch instead of a query?

At a face-to-face meeting with an editor or agent. But bring your query letter, which includes a written version of your pitch, with you.

Where would we find resources to show us what is and is not an effective pitch and when to use one?

You can find this info in many books about writing and submitting to publishers. Go to your library and browse the TOC of the various how-to-write books. I did a quick google and here are two things that I found.

Pitch Lines That Don’t Work

How to Write a Query (This one talks more about queries than pitches, but it’s good info.)

Many conferences offer the opportunity to meet with an editor. Would we use a pitch at that time? Would we write it down to give to the editor or simply state it to him/her?

Yes, you would use a pitch at these meetings. This is a verbal presentation. Practice your pitch in front of other people so you can give a smooth delivery. But bring your query letter, a partial and a full, in case your pitch is so stunning that it blows the editor away and they request more on the spot. (This rarely happens, but it could. I’ve accepted fulls at conferences.)

Is the purpose of a pitch to have an editor ask for a query and then a partial and then a full, or does the pitch take the place of the query?

Yes, the purpose of the pitch is to entice the editor to ask for more. It does not take the place of the query, although it should be included as part of your query (see above). If an editor requests that you mail him/her a partial or full, include your query letter with that submission. Make sure you mention in your introductory paragraph that you met the editor at such-and-such conference and that they asked for the partial/full. And thank them for their time and interest in your manuscript.

Pitch #5

Life is going well for Stacey Hunter. That is, until her young son witnesses the neighbor boy being kidnapped. When a ransom note appears and Stacey’s son describes the car he saw at the time of the kidnapping, she begins to suspect her own husband might be involved. The FBI believes he might be involved too.

Though she can tell something is going on with her husband, she tries to believe in his claims of innocence and begins an investigation of her own. Her snooping leads her to think the kidnapped boy’s father, Mark, is the one behind the kidnapping – seeing as how he’ll get nothing if he divorces his wealthy wife. The evidence also seems to point to Mark having an affair with a young woman he works with at the high school where he’s a teacher, a woman whose own husband was killed under unusual circumstances.

Stacey’s efforts are further complicated by the odd behavior of her supervisor, Patricia Summers, who has taken a keen interest in Stacey’s husband. Though uncertain of her husband’s faithfulness, Stacey presses on with her investigation until she flushes out the kidnapper and nearly gets herself killed.

This is the best pitch of the contest. It’s a little longer, but not so long that I wouldn’t read it/listen to it. It’s well written. It’s clearly a suspense novel. We know who the main character is and what some of her challenges are. It answers most of the basic questions.

I would like to see it be a little spicier, a little more intense, to show me that you can carry the suspense. Drop a line that gives us an idea of the setting—where it takes place. Mention the main character’s age. My guess is thirty-something, but it would help me to know.

Also, how is this unique? Right now, it’s just another suspense story—which is fine, if I’m looking to churn out suspense novels. But if I’m looking for a big seller (and I always am), I need something that shows me how this is different from the other kidnapping suspense stories already out there.

I’d probably ask for the first couple of chapters because I really like suspense and I’m willing to give most of them a read. But if you were pitching to a national agent/editor, there might not be enough uniqueness in the pitch to get a request for chapters.

One last comment. I didn’t set any restrictions on the type of novel to be pitched, so it could be LDS or not. Since this does not mention that it’s LDS, I’m assuming it is not—which is fine for this contest. But if you really were pitching me as an LDS publisher, you’d need to let me know that there are LDS components to the story.

Pitch #4

“She stood five-foot-eleven and had to be all of 350 pounds. Her beady eyes, dull and black, looked out from a mass of tangled, dirty blonde hair, her twisted and puffy face full of acne and pockmarks. “GLENNA! run for your lives!” we’d scream in our best blood-curdling cries whenever we saw her. Everyone knew she had cooties of the worst kind, and we would probably die if she ever touched us. But I loved her.”

First, this is not really a pitch. It’s a paragraph from the book. This is more of a hook that you might include in a query letter, but it doesn’t tell me enough to qualify as a pitch. A pitch needs to answer the questions: who, what, when, where, and why—with a hint at least on the how.

The last line catches my interest, but the rest of this pitch doesn’t do much to get me to ask for more.

You told me in your e-mail that this was a YA novel, but that info was not part of the pitch itself. It should be–or there should be enough clear hints that I get it without question. The reference to cooties leads me to believe it’s elementary or middle school. But Glenna’s height leads me to believe she’s older than that. Is she a fellow student? Or is she an older woman pushing a grocery cart down the street? Why does he (or whoever) love her? Is she perhaps his mother or grandmother?

Clearly, this is not written from Glenna’s perspective, but she’s the only character that’s introduced. Need to know more about who your narrator is. Also need to know what the conflict is going to be and some clue as to its resolution.

I also do not have a clue as to the genre of this book—is it a teen coming-of-age story? A child coming to grips with mental illness in his/her family? Is Glenna a psycho killer who is going to wreak havoc on the playground or a student with a shotgun? Is this going to be one of those make-over romances where the narrator brings out the beauty inside Glenna and then falls in love with her? I can’t tell. I need to know because I don’t want to waste my time and yours asking for partials in a genre that I’m not interested in.

You may have a very good, very compelling story here, but I can’t tell it from the pitch. I would have to pass.

Pitch Contest #3

The Misadventures of Little Red Writing Hood

Have you ever felt like you’re just spinning your wheels, flinging mud but never getting anywhere? And does ‘getting anywhere’ mean achieving fame and fortune at the expense of being reasonable, responsible, and celestial?

Beckie Mackintosh feels like she’s been spinning her wheels all her adult life, but it’s not mud she’s flinging, it’s dust. Beckie, a would-be writer, lives in a small Utah town with three slightly wacky children [doesn’t work] , two dogs who are devoted to food [doesn’t work], a cat who thinks she’s a queen [doesn’t work], and a parrot that’s in love with a feather duster [works!]. Oh yes, and let’s not forget … a husband who’s a psychologist. She wrestles with paw prints, scouting, femininity, and moths [huh?], all the while wearing her lucky red sweatshirt to help her write, and wondering if achieving the celestial kingdom is at odds with achieving the best seller list.

Her most outstanding talent, her imagination, is also Beckie’s biggest challenge since it often carries her away. Her goal is to become a published author, and her family’s antics provide ample material for her to work with. However, finding a publisher who appreciates her ability to turn the mundane into the marvelous is not an easy task.

Frustration reaches a peak and she vows never to write again. However, her husband, Rusty, submits an entry for her in a contest sponsored by a toilet paper manufacturer. The entry is a chapter from her book, revolving around an experience Rusty had while on the Klondike … using toilet paper for a substitute ski mask [works!]. Beckie is awarded a cash prize, along with the opportunity to help write a commercial for the company. She finally understands that she can be celestial without being perfect, and that her family loves her just as she is … sitting at her computer in her quirky red sweatshirt, writing stories and ignoring the dust.

Okay, this could be really good or it could be really bad. I can see that you’re going for humor, but most of it misses the zing (see notes in red). When I say “doesn’t work,” it means it’s too familiar and commonplace. “Slightly wacky,” how? Give us an example. All dogs love food and all cats think they rule the house. How are her pets out of the ordinary? The parrot hits right on. That is an unusual twist for a parrot.

I like the pun in the title–writing; red sweatshirt–but it’s hard for me to believe that there is going to be enough dramatic tension in this book to motivate sales. It’s not a romance, a suspense, or a mystery—so that means it’s going to be harder to sell. If it’s very, very funny then it might work, but the hints at the jokes and the fun aren’t sharp enough in this pitch to convince me.

Although I smiled at the set-up, I wasn’t completely sold. This is a fence-sitter. I might ask for partials if I was caught up on submissions and having a slow week. If I was really busy, I’d pass.

Pitch Contest #2

Do police officers really spend their time eating jelly donuts and drinking coffee? Read on and find out for yourself. [Drop this entire first paragraph.]

Patrolling the streets and fighting crime, Officer Russell Beck wrestles with the bad guys—from heart-stopping arrests and fast chases on the Capitol Beltway, to a stand-off with a buffalo herd in Wyoming.

“Thrills, Chills and Spills” is the adrenaline rushing, heart pounding, sometimes hilarious, true-life adventures of a cop.

And yes, it even mentions donuts.

This is too general. I need more specifics. Is this a collection of isolated stories about this cop? Or is there an over-arching theme/event that ties them all together. The second option might sell; the first one won’t.

We need more than just a peek into the life of a policeman. We need to care about this guy’s story. There needs to be some internal drama going on. What issues will he face? Where’s the dramatic tension, the conflict, the social commentary on life experience? So far, there is no compelling reason for me to plunk down my hard-earned money to buy this book, nor to spend my life energy reading it. Punch it up. Give me a reason to care.

I would pass on this one, although I do like that last line. It shows some tongue-in-cheek humor, and I like that.

Pitch Contest #1

Enjoy the madcap antics that go on at this mental heath center. Follow our hero, Teddy Lawson, as he battles with his boss and the bureaucracy all the while wondering if he isn’t on the wrong side of the locked door at the asylum. His inner conflict and frustration culminates in an interesting twist as he finds his resolution closer to home than he would have guessed.

Short is good–but not at the expense of necessary details. I need the who, what, where, when, why and how–or at least some hint at them. We’ve sort of got the who, but we don’t know a lot about him. Is he a doctor, a therapist, a janitor?

I need a hint at when–when in his life does this occur? Is he a teen doing volunteer work here? A new man on the job getting his first look at the facility? Or is he about to retire and worn down by years of frustration? Where does this happen–is it set in modern day America? Or are we talking about a facility on the moon?

What type of antics? How does he battle the boss? Why does he question his sanity? What inner conflict? What frustration? What twist? What resolution? I need to know some of this.

What type of book is this? Is it a “Cuckoo’s Nest” that exposes the mental health industry? Is it literary fiction, where he examines the meaning of life or man’s inhumanity to man? Is the battle with his boss and the bureaucrats literal, putting his life in danger? Or emotional? Or legal? Is it going to be a humorous take (ala Scrubs) on life as a—what? Or is he going to fall in love with a patient, cure her and live happily ever after?

Unfortunately, if your pitch doesn’t answer most of these questions, I have to pass.

Complimentary Rejections

[This letter was edited slightly to keep the friend anonymous.]

Hey LDSP,

I’m hoping you can answer a question for me. I have a friend who has written several booklets that are nonfiction on [various] topics. She says she has queried every agent in Writers Market and approached every publisher who does what she writes, and has received nothing but rejections. She’s also contacted every LDS publisher there is […]. She’s wondering what to do next. She says the rejections have all been complimentary, so I have to think that her writing must be at least a little bit good, but I’m wondering if maybe her content is just not selling well or what have you. The only thing I can think of would be to have her break her books up into articles and sell them to magazines, which actually might make her better money than royalties. If you say, $300 an article and you’d have to sell 300 books to get that, or more, articles might be the way to go.

At any rate, I’d enjoy hearing your thoughts.

Beulah. 🙂

Hi Beulah. Good to hear from you again. If your friend has that many rejections on the same project, then something is wrong with either her approach or her concept or possibly the quality of her writing.

I went through my company’s logs to see if I could figure out who your friend was, if we had been queried, and why her query/manuscript was rejected. I’m not absolutely certain, but if it’s the one I think it is, her query letter was not very compelling. Part of the notes said, “Not sure what exactly this is…”

If the query I’m thinking of is not your friend’s, this is still a good time to reinforce what a query letter should do. It needs to clearly indicate what the project is. It needs to clearly summarize or include a short synopsis of the plot. And, very important here, it needs to provide a marketing hook. When I finish reading a good query, I can immediately pigeon-hole it into a marketing slot–I know who would buy it, who would read it, how to classify it, how to differentiate it, and how to sell it. If I have questions in these areas, I’ll probably pass. So if you think it might be the query, have your friend submit it to a critique group or to several published authors to get help polishing it up.

The other problem might be the concept. “Booklet” can mean anything from a long greeting card to a small book. Depending on where it falls in that continuum, it might not be something that is selling right now. Booklets go in and out of fashion (kind of like skirt lengths for women). I can’t speak for other companies, but right now we’re just not in the market for anything less than 150 pages.

I think your magazine article idea is a good one, especially if she can sell it as a serialization or present herself as a regular columnist. I’m not aware of any good paying LDS magazines that are looking for that, but there are a lot of Christian magazines out there. She might also try local magazines or even newspapers. Papers don’t pay much, but if she’s never published before, that would give her credentials.

10 Steps to a Good Query Letter

1. Follow Instructions. Check the publisher’s website and scrupulously follow any instructions for creating and sending a query that are posted there. This is the most important step. If there are no instructions, create a 1-2 page letter (1 is better) that is clean and crisp and follows standard business letter format.

2. Finish your manuscript. A fiction work needs to be completed before you start sending queries. Make sure it’s your best work. If there are any parts that you feel aren’t quite up to snuff, work them out.

For non-ficton, a solid outline is usually adequate in the query stage, but I’m going to have to see finished product before I send a contract. Until then, you’re writing on spec. Hopefully, you write fast because “hot topics” can change quickly.

Before you call it done, have your manuscript read by 6 to 10 other people who know something about writing in general and your genre/subject area in specific. These need to be people who will be completely honest with you and won’t pull punches. (Recommended: a good writers group; Not recommended: mother, sister, husband, best friend.) Clean up your manuscript based on the suggestions of your readers.

3. Do research. Research the publishing house you’re sending it to. Read the submission guidelines on their website. Make sure they are looking for manuscripts in your genre/area. Make a quick call and ask the secretary who to address the submission to. Also ask them how to spell the editor’s name correctly.

4. Address. Address the query to the right person, name spelled correctly. If you use a title (Mr., Mrs., Queen-of-the-World, etc.), make sure you use the right one.

5. Introductory Paragraph. Introduce yourself briefly, making realistic statements about your writing ability and how much I might enjoy the book. Also, tell me how you came to submit to me. A referral by a current author or another publisher or someone I personally know is a plus. But don’t name drop unless it’s legitimate. I will check up on you.

If you don’t have a personal referral, just tell me how you heard about me and why you think I might like your book. Example: “I saw your company listed as an LDS publisher on the XYZ list. I went to your website and noticed that you’ve published several [genre or topic]. I believe my book will fit nicely with those…”

6. Pitch Paragrpah. Tell me about your book. What is the genre? Give me a brief synopsis. Who is your target audience? Why will they buy it as opposed to the 27 others like it on the shelf? Again, be realistic. You could say, “Readers who enjoyed ABC might also enjoy this book.”

7. Credentials. Brief description of your publishing credentials, if you have them. (Self-publishing only counts if your books were carried in bookstores and you sold more than 2,000 copies.)

Don’t be afraid to say this is your first book. Every single published author had a first book.

If you’re submitting non-fiction, this would be where you tell me about your expertise in the area. Example: a nutritionist writing about a new weight loss program. I also consider life experience to be a credential, if it applies to the subject area. A formerly 300 pound homemaker can speak to weight loss as well.

8. Conclusion Paragraph. If you have some good marketing ideas, you might do a 1-2 sentence pitch on that. Otherwise, just say something polite and end the letter.

9. Clean Up. Run the spell check. Let it sit for a day, then print it out and read it to make sure you haven’t left out words, etc. Print your query in an easy-to-read font: 12 point type, Times, regular spacing. If you e-query, do a virus check before sending it. Also, do not attach a document file as your query letter. Just copy and paste it straight into the body of the e-mail.

10. Include SASE. (I know some of you don’t believe in SASEs, but you asked for MY tips for a good query, and this is one of them.)

If you e-query, put the editor’s e-mail address in your address book so the reply does not bounce back. Also, if you have any of those annoying programs that make people “register” before they can send you e-mail, turn it off. Or get a separate e-mail address just for submissions, and don’t give out the address to anyone but editors or publishers. (And an address like cutiepie@xyz.com is probably not the best for creating a professional, businesslike impression.)

If you need more specific help, ask your published writer friends if you can see the query they used to get their book accepted. But don’t cookie-cutter it. You are original. Your book is original. Your query should be original too. (And whatever you do, don’t buy one of those software programs that writes your query for you!)

Please Include a SASE

Got an unsolicited manuscript. (Our website clearly states query first.)

It’s not a genre I publish. (Website also states what we’re looking for–again, very clearly.)

No e-mail address in the query. (Ok, not everyone is connected. I’m not in the Writers Market so if the author doesn’t have Internet, I can overlook those first two errors.)

And no SASE.

Can I just say that including a SASE says to me that you’re professional and respectful?

Not including a SASE does not kill your chances with me (as it does with some others in the business), but I do wonder why it’s not there. Are you uninformed? Are you being rebellious? Do you have poor short-term memory? Or are you just cheap?

Or maybe you intended to include a SASE and were mortified to find it still on your desk the day after you mailed your submission.

Because the latter has happened to me, I will respond to your submission sans SASE in a polite and professional manner. But for those of you who may be thinking a #10 SASE is not necessary, please, think again.