Having lost her voice and no longer able to sing praises in the temple, 32-year-old Ruhama feels that she’s been rejected by the Lord and her life is over. But when a member of a strange cult which claims to have the fullness of the gospel comes to re-possess a precious artefact from the temple, Ruhama is caught up in the forced exodus of these Apostates. Travelling to another planet on a huge spaceship, Ruhama grows to realize that what she perceived as rejection was really a blessing in disguise. (90 words)
Slightly revised at request of author. Since this is just for fun, I’m agreeing to post the revision. However, keep in mind that were this a real pitch, there would be no second chances. 🙂
7 thoughts on “Pitch #5”
I vote for this pitch. It sounds like an interesting premise.
My vote for this one – I like the sci-fi slant. Sounds a little like the story of Zoram, though, doesn’t it? Could be good!
I vote for this one. Something new on the lds market.
I liked this one. I hope someone writes it.
New and interesting, although it would be difficult to pull off in the current market. Still, it gets my vote.
I’ve been hooked on science fiction/fantasy since I read “Wrinkle in Time” in 3rd grade. Gotta give it one of my votes!
Strongest point: it’s sci-fi and I like that. By default, that also makes it unique.
It’s good that you chose to revise the pitch because, in the original, I thought Ruhama willingly joined the apostates, but here it sounds like she didn’t. I would not have been interested in the former, but I might be interested in a reluctant companion or someone who was trapped in the group or something like that. It’s still not quite clear enough on that point.
Tighten up your writing. You only get one chance at a submission. Practice writing tight queries for this novel. Then have some people (who aren’t close friends and family, so they don’t know how your thinking processes work) read it and tell you what they thing you’re saying. When what they repeat back to you is actually what is in the book, then you know your query is ready.
I’d probably ask for a full just because I’m curious as to how you’d deal with some of the sticky points of mixing LDS theology with space ships. Would it be publishable? Can’t tell at this point.
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